What a three-day darkness retreat taught me about fear, my body, and my mind
I spent three days in total darkness on the island of Koh Phangan, Thailand. In this piece, I share what that experience was like—the moments of ease and discomfort, what came up when there was nothing to distract me, and what I’m taking forward from it. Night 1: Entering total darkness K., the retreat lady, quickly showed me around the sealed earth dome, —“Here’s how you turn on the air ventilation system, do that after every breakfast and dinner, when the air outside is cool. Here’s the shower. Here’s how you can communicate with us. Any questions?”—and then, she was gone. I stood in the middle of the dome, with a small torch in my hands. K. had told me to use the light to get my bearings and organize my stuff, and to turn off whenever I felt ready. Those first moments felt incredibly strange. I had just come off a 3-day boat trip with friends, a final wild night in our favorite restaurant in Phuket, and suddenly I was here, alone in this bare cell-like room. My friend, Ben, was in the hut next to me, but everything went so quickly and we did not have a chance to give each other...
